Hitting Rock Bottom

Five days ago, my car was repossessed. In reality, I suppose that is the tip of my financial woes. In addition, I have somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000 in student loan debt.

I quit my secure and relatively high paying job because it was crushing my soul. I now work a job that pays less than 50% of the aforementioned job.

I don’t consider those last two things negatives. My soul is no longer being crushed.

In addition, I actually have a new job that I begin February 9th. I will be making $13,000 more than I’m making now, and my employer and I will discuss a raise, based on performance in 6-9 months.

I consider that a blessing. I consider everything in my life up to this moment a blessing. I have a roof over my head. I’m living with family currently, which is in my opinion a worst case scenario. We’re such different people, and 80% of the time we don’t get along. But, it’s still a place to lay my head, and the rent is a quarter of what I was paying.

I have a friend who is waking up at 3am to give me a ride to work this morning, which I start at 5am. How amazing is that?

I’ll follow my work day with a 2.5 hour bus/train ride home. But I’m thankful that public transportation at least goes out to my job, which is firmly outside of the city limits.

For the time being, my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training will be put on hold. This is probably the most painful part of my current situation. Jits keeps me sane, particularly in my current living situation. It keeps me level, plus the health benefits. But, I think I will simply up my winter biking to compensate. Or walking…or yoga maybe.

I have a job. I just found a better job. I have food to eat.

But the embarrassment of hitting rock bottom financially…my pride has taken a beating on this one.

In addition, I have no idea how I’m going to get my car back, and I actually need my car for my new job, which will entail traveling all over the city to different schools. I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I suppose I always do.

And watching this video, as well as talking with my good friend Lori, helped me deal with the shame I’ve been dealing with this week. She is the first person I’ve told about my car. Tomorrow, I will tell the woman that I tutor for I won’t be able to tutor until I get this situation figured out.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to finally get in contact with my accounts manager at the finance company and see exactly my options for resolving this situation. They haven’t been very helpful.

I realize I’m not a failure. I feel like one, but I knew that my choices could potentially result in less than desirable outcomes. Such is life at times.

So, lots of people struggle. Lots of people are having hard times, many way worse than anything I have to deal with. I realize that, and my heart goes out to those people, to people sleeping on cold streets tonight, or in shelters, or in their cars. I’m also thankful for what has come my way, and those things that I have to look forward to.

I’m also very thankful for the people in my life who accept me as I am, in all my woeful flaws.

Have you ever been in a situation that you felt was rock bottom? How did you build yourself back up? How did you improve your situation? Tell me about it down in the comments.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash