Is It Me, Or The Scenery?

Survived another work day. Whew.

A picture was posted by a friend today from a few years back. It was an event Henderson Elementary School in West Englewood. Through our Student Voices Activist Institute, we were able to help the staff and students there facilitate a peace march and rally, following several high profile shootings in the community. I was the program manager at the Illinois Council Against Handgun Violence and facilitated the educational programs. I loved that job. Like, legitimately loved that job.I didn't make much money, but they gave me a chance at a time when I didn't really know what I wanted to do, or which way to turn, and I was working 4am-1pm as the understudy to Al Bundy. And when money became an issue, I went and got a second job. I really liked that job too. Starbucks. That's not easy work, but if you have good people around you to work with, that job can be very fulfilling.

At the end of my first year at the ICHV, a principal at one of the schools I was working with offered me a job. I said hell no, I'm happy as a pig in shit. I would've made more money, and all that jazz, but it wasn't the most important thing. The pride I had in doing great work, and finding joy in that work. Whew. That was what was most important.

I hate feeling like I complain all the time about my job nowadays. I'm thankful that I have a job, especially now. But the feeling of sloshing through the day and sitting on phone calls with a constant internal monologue of "What the fuck am I doing with my life???" just isn't tantalizing. I spent 9 years in the Army. I know how to eat shit and smile, but post COVID, is this really what I'm down for?

Sometimes you have to stop and ask yourself, "Is it me, or the scenery??"

Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash