Facing the Unfortunate Realities of Spring Romance: Infatuation

It is exceptionally awkward to be sitting across from someone that you absolutely want to devour.

When I say devour, I don’t mean primarily sexually. I actually would place sex at the bottom of the totem pole of intention and desire.

Not that I haven’t thought of her sexually. Dear lord, if I had dollars for the moments I’ve lost daydreaming as to what it would be like to wake up in the middle of the night (because I always wake up in the middle of the night) with her naked form next to me. My eyes have danced over her hips even more times than I care to recount.

Awkward.

But I’ve spent even more time thinking about her eyes. Her lips. Her smile. Her messy bun. Her exquisite art of self deprecation. When she smiles fully, it’s like the sun has risen right in front of me. I can’t get enough of it. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be on a couch, reading at one end, while she works at the other end, and just being able to steal glances at her as much as I want.

I can’t imagine if she ever looked at me with a “yes, I want you too” smile rising at the corners of her lips, sly look pirouetting across her eyes.

The more i learn about her, the more I want to know.

Of course I’m so deep in the friend zone, I can’t imagine there is any realistic way to run the ball back. I tell myself, “she is not going to one day realize how great you are. Get over it.” Then sometimes I find myself making best attempts at bad mouthing her in my mind, in the hopes that it’ll help diminish the attraction, help eradicate the thoughts, and put things back in their natural order.

But I have to remind myself that I deserve someone who desires me as much as I desire them. It’s been so long since I’ve been in that situation, I’ve forgotten what it’s like.

And so it goes. I can already tell it’s going to be a tearjerker of a spring.

Bullocks.

So what about you? Have you ever been in deep smit with a friend who barely knew you existed? How did you handle the situation? What was the resolution? I’d love to hear how the rest of you are navigating these waters. Let me know down in the comments.

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash