Let’s Talk About De-Friend December

"I drop the dead weight and the posers and the pretenders and all the other friends who literally have not bothered with me for the better part of the year."

Two days ago, I had 1,746 friends on Facebook.

Today, I have 1,536, and I still have a lot of names to go.

A few days ago, i read a Huffpost editorial about De-Friend December, and after some reflection, I found that I liked the idea, and it certainly rang true for where my head is at right now, and where I feel my head and heart are going for 2022.

I’m a very social person, and I have a lot of acquaintances. I would also say that I have a very short list of friends, which is A-OK with me. I would also say that has pretty much been the story of my life. I’m a fairly likable person, and able to get along with a large cast of characters, but I’m not the biggest fan of being in anyone’s “clique.” I mean, sometimes it happens, but I like interacting with people, and I like a diversity of personality and opinion and such, so I’ve kind of always found myself milling about social circles.

However, I don’t feel like there are a large number of people whom I’ve really connected with on a deeper level. I appreciate and celebrate when it happens, but that’s one of those things that just has to be organic. You can’t force that shirt, ya know? I’m often told that I’m a hard person to know. I usually rebut that I’m so simple, it just doesn’t seem real.

But maybe I am a hard person to get to know. Hmm.

At this juncture of my life, I find that I’m constantly reflecting upon this idea of being a public personality (you are reading my blog) and being a content creator vs. closing myself off to the world. Where is the line, or more importantly, what am I most comfortable with?

When I read the aforementioned article, I found it quite intriguing. I knew that my Facebook “friends” list has ballooned over the past two years or so, and while I’ve been cognizant to avoid bots and all that jazz, there were a lot of “friends of friends of friends” whom I really didn’t know on a personal level, or even talk to.

So upon deciding that I liked the idea of De-Friend December, I went all in. However, I didn’t anticipate the mental exercise the trimming would be.

First, you’re forced to answer the question of exactly what is your Facebook for in the first place?

I love Facebook. I use it to keep in touch with people in general, both far and near. It’s a great way to get glimpses into the lives of those in your orbit, and especially during my Army years, was a great way to stay in touch with people whom were half a world away whom I actually could not in some cases simply text. Additionally, I’ve never been much of a phone person. While I’ve tried to grow into using the phone more, it’s still my least favorite method of communication, face to face being my favorite.

Also, I feel like the nature of Facebook has evolved over time, especially when it came to all the Russian bots and security breaches. I’ll be the first to admit as much as I like Facebook, I would happily leave it for an alternative that provided the same “service” without Zuckerberg’s bullshit. Please, don’t get me started on Mark Zuckerberg. I think he’s a worm in a cardigan.

I’m a full adopter of social media, so there are a variety of places people can keep up with me, so I settled in my head that going into 2022, I want my Facebook to be a place of genuine connections, which I feel is totally possible via social media, if two people are willing to take the time to connect.

From there, my premise was simple, and I stuck to the same ideas as the author; “What meaningful interaction have I had with this person over the last year?”

When visiting a friends page on Facebook, there is a button of 3 dots underneath their cover photo. When you click it, you’ll see multiple options, one of which is “see friendship.” This button will then take you to a page that gives you an overview of interactions and posts between each other.

For some, that button makes it super easy. If are only interactions is me wishing you happy birthday every years since 2011, none of which you ever responded to, well I know it’s time for you to go. Thanks for playing.

But from there, it gets a bit more tricky, and I was presented to moments of contemplation. For example, high school friends…where do they fall? Should they be held to the same standard?

The short answer is yes, but of course we always make exceptions. There are people I may not talk to often, but their posts brings me joy, or they provide insight. For me, while sliding through familiar, and in some cases unfamiliar, faces, the word that came to dominate my mind was “value.”

If we are not having a reciprocal “friendship,” then what other value are you bringing to my life?

Yes there were Trumpers who’d somehow survived this long. Lurking under the radar, or perhaps I told myself that “despite our political and ideological differences, we can still be acquaintances.” Nah. Life is short. You like Trump. I don’t need to take that kind of negativity to 20222. Follow me on Twitter.

Of course there are people whom you are friends with on Facebook for sentimental reasons. An example is a woman I dated just before Covid struck named Maren. An absolutely delightful woman. We were on different pages, but we remained electronic friends. I enjoy seeing her pictures from time to time. She is so pretty, and has an amazing smile. On gloomy days, sometimes you just want to peep those people. However, after some thought, I hit the unfriend button on Maren. The end of our relationship was messy, and I doubt she’ll ever want to talk to me again, so why hold on to the past, right?

Then there are the people whom you don’t talk to, but you have 68 friends in common…do they stick around?

Well, adding to my growing list of criteria, I’ve been burning through them. If we haven’t had a reciprocal connection of some kind, why fake the funk?

When you have 1.7K friends, it it hard to scroll through them all. It takes time. I can’t imagine what someone with 5,000 friends would go through…but if you have that many Facebook friends, do you really give a shit about trimming the fat?

Much like the author of the article, I think I’m at that point where I’m willing to close the circle in. I’ve gotten much more comfortable being with me in 2021, and I got some big stuff cooking for 2022, so I really just want real folks around me. Also, something I have noticed just over the past two days; as you start to whittle through the noise, you actually start to see more of the stuff you actually care about in your timeline and your stories.

I wish I’d started earlier. Next will be pruning all the things I like and follow (half of which I probably don’t like any more). After that, I think I may have to visit my follows on Instagram and Twitter. I imagine there are a lot of “clutterheads” on there as well. Actually, I know there is. I find myself unfollowing accounts on the daily on Instagram.

So what about you? Have you ever participated in De-Friend December? Does the idea interest you? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments.

Thumbnail photo by Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash