“There’s No Joy To Be Found” (Reflections on Derek Chauvin)

When I heard Judge Cahill began to read the verdict of the Derek Chauvin case, and after Count 1, Second Degree Murder, the jury finds the defendent guilty, the song “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers immediately came to mind.

“Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness every day
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away”

I don’t know exactly why. As I’ve reflected on it, both the tenor of the lyrics, coupled with the masterful delivery of Bill Withers…I think both my brain and heart were trying to fill the space where I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, fill with conscious thought.

The reality is, there is no joy to be found, in my mind and heart, with the conviction of Derek Chauvin.

I’ve thought about this all day, which is why I waited to pen these words. But no…I feel no joy.

As I get older, I find my heart holds less desire for anything resembling revenge. That sentence makes me chuckle gently because earlier today, prior to the reading of the verdict, I watched the film “John Wick.” I personally think that movie is second only to Kill Bill (I count both parts as 1 unified movie) as the greatest revenge film of all time.

But so often, you hear people express their desires for extrajudicial punishment, whether it’s throwing the person to a rabid mob, or something far more colorful and verbose. I find that I slowly have lost my taste for it all. I just want justice.

If you lookup justice in Google, the first definition it will give you is “just behavior or treatment.” That’s vague. Hamurabi would have told you justice was an eye for an eye. However, for me, I simply want what the standing justice system prescribes.

Now yes, I acknowledge that the justice system is broken. However, that dysfunction rests on the fact that it doesn’t look upon or treat everyone equally under the law, and in all honesty, that’s all I really want.

There is no joy to be found in a citizen being held accountable for the murder of another citizen. The justice system tells us that that act should be punished. However, we all know that when one of those citizens is a white police officer, and the other a black male…well, very often, justice has rarely been found.

But make no mistake, today stands as a victory for those who want greater equity in society, particularly under the law…today stands as a victory. This case stood as a litmus test for where we really stand in 2021:

Could a (white) police officer brazenly kill a (black) man, with no seeming remorse in the act, while looking brazenly at cameras and screaming, crying, pleading witnesses?

Todays answer, fortunately, was no, but those of us who’ve kept our eyes and ears to the ground for years know that we have a long way to go. In fact, we have enough standing cases bearing down upon us (Justice for Breona Taylor, Daunte Wright, and Adam Toledo, and so many others) that we’ll have ample opportunities to see if Chauvin was a fluke, or a new rule in the justice system.

However, beyond the significance of the case in terms of cultural and legal shifts, the reality of this is that countless lives have been shattered. Ranging from the witnesses, who will have to spend years, perhaps lifetimes, reconciling that they watched a murder a few feet away with little to no power to stop it. The Floyd family of course will never be the same, and will have to face the emptiness that losing a loved one, particularly so violently and tragically brings into their lives.

And while many would like to ignore or deny…Derek Chauvin is a person. He’s not a monster, a devil, or a golem. Just a man. He is a person who has some semblance of a family, and friends, and their lives are also forever altered…forever damaged. Derek Chauvin was a man who unfortunately at some point either loss himself, or found the worst parts of himself, when he was willing to treat another human being as he did on that faithful day, ignoring the cries of George Floyd, and seemingly having little…little anything for Floyd. He was a cop who lost his way. The damage he’s done to society in one single act will resonate for years to come. We have yet to see what his sentence will be, but he is still another soul lost into the prison industrial complex; not to be rehabilitated or improved, but simply to rot. Despite his crimes, that still makes me sad.

I look forward to the day when cops know that they can’t indiscriminately beat some black dudes ass, anyone’s ass for that matter, and go on home with a slap on the wrist being the most they’ll face.

I look forward to the day when all police receive adequate training so that deadly force is not their first and most used option. But to paraphrase Jesse Williams, “We are gonna have equal rights and justice in our country, or we will restructure the function of police in it.”

I look forward to the day when good cops don’t get fired for doing the right thing.

I look forward to the day when there is no statute of limitation on police corruption or misconduct, :: cough :: Jon Burge.

When we see sweeping changes to the system that lead to the elimination of two tiers of protection, and punishment under the law…I might feel some joy. Because that will be a moment of liberation: liberating lives from under the boot of oppression.

But until then, I can’t find joy in trading one life for another. In exchange for one life we’ll ruin another. It leaves me feeling hollow. Empty. Perhaps I’m losing a taste for punitive approaches to “justice.” Maybe.

I’m glad justice came to town, because there is definitely no sunshine when she’s gone, but when she makes a surprise guest appearance, it feels lackluster at best.

So what are your thoughts on the Chauvin verdict? Initial reactions? I’d love to hear down in the comments.

Photo courtesy of Jill Pfeiffer