Opening Up

I just finished watching the film, "P.S. I Love you".  If you're never seen it, I definitely recommend it. While I loved the film, I actually rather hate watching movies like this.  The movie was funny, touching, endearing, and rather sad.With my resume of activities that should easily put me in the "tough guy" column, it's pretty hard to think of yourself as a tough guy after crying over a movie like a 3-year-old with a skinned knee.  Now, I'm not one of those "men don't cry" idealists, but yeah, it definitely makes you feel all mushy, ya know?And...movies like this get you thinking.  Thinking about the subject matter, which centrally is love, and relationships, and ultimately, what happens when you lose that.  What happens when the person you love the most in the world leaves you?  Or dies?  I think it's safe to say that many of us don't like thinking about those things.  Loss....death...it's all ugly, uncomfortable, and if we deny, simply deny strongly enough, surely I won't have to ever think about it.Sometimes I think that just as uncomfortably, is, as the movie puts it, what happens when you meet that person that changes life as you know it?  I would venture to say that that thought in some ways is just as scary.  Well fine then, play it like you don't know what I'm  talking about.  It's scary to me!  While being in a relationship is where I feel my thoughts, emotions and life are heading...there's always those "dumb-guy" fears that creep into my head.  Thoughts like....

Do you really want to wake up to her every day for the next 40 years?"

Silly?  Juvenile?  Yes.  Reality?  Yes.Or, as a good friend of mine once put it...

Take a good look at her.  That is the only woman you will ever sleep with for the rest of your life!

Now needless to say, that prediction didn't come to pass, but I remember thinking to myself...

Holy Crap!

Now yes, we men have surely progressed in our ways, thoughts and actions.  No longer are we squatting in freshly dug catholes in the burning Serengeti sun...but many of us still have some deep seated issues I feel when it comes to commitmentI like to think with every passing day, I grow much more comfortable with the idea of being that "old married guy" that me and my friends once made fun of...but it's a process.  I'm not afraid to admit that.  For any problem, admitting there is one is the first step to fixing it right?I also keep in mind, as I told the young men in my class today,

Fellas, just wait until the day when you meet that one woman that you want to do crazy things for.  That you're willing to be lame for.  The one for whom you'll happily erase all those other girls' numbers from your phone.

That has happened to me.  I know that ultimately, that's what love feels like.  When the worries melt away, and you're totally ok being "that guy."  As much as I occasionally harass my married friends, secretly, I admire what they have.  I hope I'll have it one day too.It's odd how a work of fiction can get us to think about so many things.  In all honesty, my mind is in a whirl right now.  But, art is often one person's way of rationalizing or coping with the world around them, so I know that I surely can't be the only one.So yeah, I recommend that if you haven't, you check out this movie.