The "It's not a date" Date

So...bad dates are kind of like kicks in the balls.  Allow me to explain.Let's say you're playing baseball, and the batter knocks a line drive your way that catches you right in the grapes.You feel embarrassed, and slightly demoralized.  It leaves a nasty feeling in the pit of your stomach that's hard to shake.  You kind of just want to curl up under a blanket and be cuddled...told that everything is gonna be alright.  Furthermore, the next time someone knocks a line drive your way, you're extremely wary, and rather than get excited about the great play you're going to make, you're instead asking yourself, "Do I need to cover my nuts?"So yeah, that's kind of how a bad date makes you feel...or is it just me?  Anywho...saying that my social outing today was a bad date is both incorrect and misleading.  Allow me to explain...So, today I went out for a coffee date with "The Curly-haired Gamer." She contacted me on Match.com, and after exchanging a few emails and a chat on the phone (which went very pleasantly), she asked me if I was interested in grabbing a coffee.So, I got there a few moments, early, and checked out this uber cool cafe/business/community meeting place called The Next Door Cafe.  I highly recommend checking it out if you're in the Chicago area.  It's a unique little place, with great food, and an amazing vibe.  I really enjoyed the atmosphere.The Gamer got there a few minutes later.  She was very pretty, 33, Puerto Rican, with long curly brown hair.  Her nickname comes from her admitted like for video games, which actually relates to the field she works in.  So, after looking for seats for a few minutes (the cafe was extremely busy), we grabbed a seats and started the first date ritual.You know what I mean.  Witty banter, obligatory laughing, etc, etc, etc.  Dating is kind of like everyday life when you're expecting guests to your house.I remember when my mom would say,

It's time to clean up.  I don't want people to think we live like savages!

My retort was always some variation of

"Well, we obviously do live like savages, so why not just make it known?"

Oh...she'd get hot!  I'd be lucky if she didn't chase me off with a house shoe.  But dating is just like that.  You clean everything up so that the other person doesn't have quite a 100% view of who you are.  Whether it's cleaning up the foul language, or dressing a little nicer...perhaps even something as little as smiling a little more.Now me...I'm at that point in this dating game when that is all out the window.  My thought is

I'm gonna show my ass, and hopefully they like what they see.

So, the meeting went well.  Early on I got the feeling that there wasn't much of an attraction from either of us.  She seemed a bit timid.  However, I was enjoying the conversation and company, as well as the turkey and bree crepe I ordered.We talked a myriad of subjects.  At one point, I happened to say I mentioned to my roommate i had a coffee date today, to which she quickly replied

Oh!  This isn't a date!

It isn't?  To which she assured me, nope, not a date.  Hmm...so I asked

What exactly is this then?

and then she laid it on me

Just hanging out...just hanging out...

Well ok.  Now, I thought when you met up with someone from an online dating website, it was for the express purpose of dating, to which she informed me

I just feel like I'm at a point where I'd much rather just meet new people, but not really date.  My last few relationships weren't too good, and I recently ended a 2 year relationship.

Well, there you go.  So, the next time someone asks me if I'd like to get together for coffee or tea, I will reply with

Is this a date?

to which she will surely be thinking

Yes, this is a date you f***ing idiot, what else would it be?

but now, experience has taught me that I have to clarify these things during discourse with people on a dating website.  Life gets stranger by the day.So, as I was venturing home, I got a text that said,

Hope you are nice & warm now.  It was nice meeting someone normal.  Just looking to meet new platonic friends.  If interested in that let me know.  If not, take care.

Well, officially, this was not a bad date.  It wasn't even a date.  It was a meeting of new platonic friends.  And to think I scoffed at the idea of a mail order bride while living in rural Alaska.  What little I knew.