Finding Cameron Frye
The holidays weigh around my neck like a stone. I've done my best to keep my head in things, but I am for all intents and purposes out of it.When I woke up this morning, I found myself staring at the ceiling...my ceiling fan to be more specific. For about 10 minutes I watched it go round and round, with no specific thoughts in mind...just watching.Towards the end of the 10 minutes, I coughed. I already knew I wasn't going to work today, but I thought maybe I just needed a little more sleep, and then I could drag myself out of bed and head out for the day.After about 30 more minutes of sleep, there I was, staring at the fan, and doing a "wellness check" of sorts."Are you coming down with something?"Actually, physically I feel pretty damn good. I've been training lots of jiu jitsu, and been out and about the city a lot. I've actually joked to people that this is sometimes what happens to older people right before they succumb to a massive coronary or some other lingering ailment,"He said he felt like a million bucks! He said he hadn't felt this good in years!"watching the fan, I think said to myself "Am I dying?"After a few more moments in silence, I grabbed my phone, and I went to youtube. I typed in Cameron Frye.Now if you don't know who Cameron is, I'm sorry, you have missed out. Yes...you! Cameron is one of the main characters in the 80's classic, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Now, I consider FBDO as Chicago a movie as the Blues Brothers. It pays beautiful homage to the city.Now, if you've seen the movie, you'll know exactly why it immediately came to mind.[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvnNl7sRcR8]I'm not dying...well, probably not any faster than most other people. Ok, maybe a little faster, I tend to treat my body like an amusement park, but that's besides the point.What I am is in the throes of depression. A deep seated depression. I feel it in my bones...crawling across my skin. I feel it in every smile that I want to respond to with a middle finger. My depression comes with a side order of rancid hatred. If I could ever literally rip someones face off, this would be the day.There are two underlying theories of Ferris Bueller that I really enjoy indulging in. One of them is the Fight Club theory. Now, if you've never seen Ferris Bueller, go watch it now and then come back. (yes, even spend the $4 on Youtube, it's fucking worth it).Spoiler Alert!The Fight Club theory is basically that Ferris Bueller isn't real. He's a figment of Cameron's imagination...an alter ego that, much like the character of Tyler in Fight Club, allows Cameron to grow and live life as he wants to, eventually coming to the grand realization that he has to face this father, and the best way to instigate that conversation is by destroying his pride and joy, his car.I really love this theory.[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVG4lB05YAs]The second theory is much simpler, and much more realistic. Upon their initial discussion, Ferris recognizes that his friend Cameron is at a new low, and suspects that he might be thinking about harming himself, so he sets out to show him that life is joyful, and something that can be fun, when you ignore the rules. Rules are something that have dictated every moment of Cameron's life, punctuated by receiving no love from his parents, who show much more attention to their possessions than him. In essence, Ferris Bueller is the good best friend from keeping his buddy from hurting, possibly killing, himself.That I can dig. The video below also goes on to mention how John Hughes also broaches the topic of teen suicide in his classic film The Breakfast Club. John Hughes was on his shit.[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljl88yxXLIY]Once I dragged my bones out of bed, I took a walk, and grabbed breakfast at the local cafe. I would've liked to have walked longer, but it is quite chilly and windy. I had cookie butter pancakes and apple juice for breakfast. Definitely a meal I will replicate at home.And here I sit. I have some music going, I'm chatting with a friend via text, and I'm quite perplexed by the fact I have the next 3 days off work. So much time, so much nothing.I may double up my dose of vitamin D today, and I will likely get another walk in with warmer clothes. Also, going to focus on the podcast for the rest of this day. That brings me joy. Do you ever have dark days, or have friends who do? What do you do at those times? Also, have you checked out my podcast? The show is Off The Beaten Podcast. You can find this week’s show on Apple Podcast, on Stitcher, Spotify, or on our website. Also, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to see the sights of the city and what’s going down.Also, if you’re so inclined, Sign up to get Off The Beaten Podcast in your inbox.