Fetching is only one of a host of old fashioned compliments we need to bring back!

I can still remember the morning…in a blur.

The date was August 13, 2020. I know that because of the time stamping in OKCupid’s messaging system.

But I do remember seeing her. It was another day, in the middle of a mind numbing and potentially soul crushing quarantine. I was still doing my daily bike rides. The streets were still under-filled, allowing for slaloms down State Street and Michigan Ave. via bike.

The fact that I was perusing OKCupid at 8:30am on a Monday morning speaks volumes. While I don’t recall my emotions specifically, I imagine I was hating life. Hating the general monotony of waking up and living a Groundhog Day-esque existence, where everything was feeling like a copy, of a copy, of a copy, of a copy.

I was sitting by my window. I do remember that. I opened up my app, and after a few swipes, her picture popped up.

Her name was Rachel.

I specifically remember looking at her pictures, and audibly saying “wow.”

“Hot” was not adequate for what I was looking at. I’m not sure “hot” is ever adequate to describe a person, although we (myself included) use it all the time.

“Man! She’s Hot!”

It’s short. It’s pithy. It conveys so much and so little at the same time. It’s a sign of the times.

But no, she wasn’t hot. As I scrolled through her photos, a short collection of mostly head shots in a variety of locations, “gorgeous” didn’t even feel appropriate.

There was something old fashioned about her beauty. Maybe it was the photo of the Rosie the Riveter-esque bandana tying up her hair. Maybe it was the wonderfully curly, “wild & free” look of her hair that men like to believe is natural, but women will swear takes an hour to achieve. It certainly could have been her entrancing green eyes (or are they hazel?) and the ever so slight gap between her front teeth.

As I read her profile, I began to talk to myself as I’m prone to do, and started doing that thing that singles tend to do when they find someone who especially strikes their fancy,”

“OH! She likes to travel and cook, and spend time outdoors with her pup. I like spending time outdoors with dogs too!’

I smiled when she described her Golden Rule, “Be kind. And leave this world a better place than you found it.”

“Get out of my head girl!”

“Says a good strong cup of coffee is the way to her heart. Well madam, you don’t even know that you are talking to a bomb ass barista!”

Ok…that last thought may or may not be true, but I try my best to be my own hype man in my own head. Three years at Starbucks, I can microfoam with the best of them.

And finally the words that felt most accurate at the time came out of my mouth.

“Dear lord…that woman is exceptionally fetching.”

To be fetching is to be attractive and beautiful. A fetching woman catches people's interest.

When a dog fetches something, he grabs it, just like attractive sights take your interest. Fetching is a word for sights that capture your interest because of their beauty. Usually, this word applies to females: you're most likely to read about a lovely, fetching woman. A beautiful woman who everyone looks at is fetching: she grabs their attention. You could also say other things, like a gorgeous mountain or a well-designed building, are fetching if they grab your attention.

In my vocabulary, fetching felt most appropriate. It matched the beauty that Rachel conveyed.

Since that day, I’ve become totally convinced that a lot of todays “compliments’ are wholly insufficient. They lack panache. Beautiful is classic, but as Kali Coleman comments in her article “23 Old-Fashioned Comliments We Should Totally Bring Back,” it is so overdone.

So what else is there?

Of the 23, my favorite right now is “The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars”, closely followed by “They are the jammiest bits of jam.”

Fetching did not make the list.

Also, one that totally hit me in the feels was “You are fit subject for the pleasant songs of youthful poets to acquaint the world with.”

Say what??? :: swoon ::

And finally guys, and girls for that matter, I don’t think you can ever go wrong by telling your significant other they are a pippin! Trust me.

I feel silly admitting that I looked at her profile, reading it in its entirety and poring over her photos for a time. At the time, it felt like a welcomed distraction, and quite honestly, a more than per usual way to start both the day and the week.

Of course, as single people do, we start to go through the entire lists of thoughts, capped by the one that is always the big red button:

“But are they as awesome on the inside as they are on the outside?”

I suppose that remains to be seen.

And of course, I decided to play it cool, and sent her the following message,

”Good morning Rachel! I came cross your profile this morning and really enjoyed reading it. I particularly enjoyed your golden rule and your multiple references to coffee. During this pandemic I actually bought my own espresso machine. I would love the opportunity to chat and get to know you, perhaps hear about some of your road trips? I love a good road trip! Well, hope to hear from you.”

Interestingly enough, 264 days later…she wrote me back.

It was short…charming…to the point.

Of course, I did the absolute wrong thing by sending what felt like the most personality-less response…which gnawed at my brain for a whole 10 hours.

“You sent that drivel to Ms. Fetching? What is wrong with you.”

I told myself that in 2021, I would not be like most people when it came to dating. I would not be aloof. I would be earnest, which if you know me, is how I am about most things I’m super interested in, so the following morning I corrected my folly:

“Hey there Rachel! Happy Monday! I looked back at my message yesterday and thought it was pretty lame. I was thinking back to when I actually sent you that note. I remember it being morning. We were in the middle of Quarantine, and for whatever reason, I decided to login to OKC. I remember yours was one of the first profiles to pop up, and I was quite taken aback. In addition to how interesting your words were, I was quite taken aback by your photos. I wanted to use old-timey words like "fetching," or phrases like "cute as a bugs ear." Since then, I've added "the brightness of her cheek would shame those stars" to my vocabulary. I told myself in 2021 I would not be aloof about dating, and potential matchups that may come, but that I would be earnest, so that message I sent yesterday was completely inappropriate. What is more appropriate is me saying "I think you're quite intriguing, and I would love to chat and if mutual interest exists, have coffee and talk road trips, and life, and podcasts, and passions and dreams. Yep, that sounds like a good agenda. Hope this finds you well, I hope you have a wonderful Monday and look forward to hearing from you.”

I know…I know. It’s probably TMI. But at the very least, they’ll never be able to say I was uninteresting.

She responded that my previous response had been ok. She said she’s shy, and a slow polite start is totally fine with her, "…but I’ve never been called fetching before.”

Well Rachel, allow me to introduce you to the fine fellow Dion Mcgill. He loves waistcoats, pocket watches, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. He dallies in the art of the boot and fisticuffs.

Since that exchange, she has told me she is on team #fetching, and we should make it go viral.

And there you have it. My desire to bring fetching back is rooted completely in selfish desires, and I am A-ok with that.

So, what are some less-common or currently unused compliments that you are partial to? Have you called someone a “betty” recently? I have! Let me know down in the comments section.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash