The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On - Episode 2 - The Choice
And we’re back for Episode 2 of sociology in motion. Here’s where my head is at:
I got high Friday morning, and went all in on text flirting with a young lady whom I’ve been wanting to get to know better for a long time…and it got me nowhere! FML. And away we go...
So now that we have the lay of the land (Episode 1), allow me to start by saying my overall thought for all of the contestants:
Run! Run Now! Run Far and Fast!
You’re in your 20’s! Why the overwhelming urge to get married now? If you’d asked me prior to 25 whether I wanted to get married, I would’ve laughed you out of the room. I would say it was around the age of 25 in which I at least began to entertain the idea of marriage. It was also at 25 that I had my children, two amazing twin girls. However, in reflections, I would say if I could have waited to have children, I would have, and I don’t think I was nearly emotionally developed enough to have sustained a marriage prior to the age of 30 at best.
Just live life. Live in sin. Enjoy the people you’re with. I don’t think a marriage certificate should change that. You have all the time in the world. I just feel like there is a lot of jumping the gun here.
Whew! Ok, now that I got that out of my system,
So here’s how things went down…
The episode starts off with the beautiful sights of wherever this magical excursion is occurring. I don’t think they ever actually discuss where these shenanigans are actually taking place. Perhaps that adds to the magic of it? Perhaps it’s for tax reasons? And so the episode kicks off with Alexis reflecting on the immensity of potentially finding your forever person…or your 10-year person, or a person you’ll marry for some unspecified amount of time. If you recall from episode 1, I found Alexis to be quite vapid, and of course, within 2 minutes, she doesn’t help herself, or my opinion of her, by stating that she gave the ultimatum to her significant other Hunter because he’s not perfect marrying material yet, because she makes more money than him.
Ladies, is this still a thing? Like a real thing? Do you all feel this way? Talk to a guy. I’ve never made career decision made on money. In fact, I once took a $30K pay cut to take a job I really wanted rather than one that was sucking my soul. I also know for a fact that I have dated several women who made more than me. So, is this a thing? If so, I’m soooo screwed.
“I have no desire to be the bread winner in our relationship.”
- Alexis
Eww? I felt like I needed to wipe my arms off with a towel after that one. And moving on…
So Alexis goes on to directly confront Colby, who expressed that he is not attracted to her. She did not take it well, and “doesn’t believe that” from him. Perhaps, he thinks you’re as shallow and vapid as I do?
The first conversation of this episode is a flaming plane crash, like the plane is on flames as it’s descending to the ground, but I give mad props to Colby for not falling for those lips, and high cheek bones, and long hair, and I imagine supple thighs. Screw all that!
From there we spy some flirting between Madlyn and Hunter, who is interrupted by an emotional outburst from Alexis after her pre-dumping by Colby…who himself runs off to a bathroom and starts crying about his love for Madlyn. Good grief. He ends by saying that he has to give this experience his all. Yes you do Colby. Yes you do for all of us!
We are 3 days until the choice. Lots of flirting and conversation going on. Shanique and Zay are feeling things out. Shanique expresses that she definitely is ready to get married, and isn’t looking for someone who isn’t, and also goes on to express that she is going to be a very demanding spouse, rooted in traditional gender roles. Good grief.
From there Shanique touches base with Nate, who is adorable. He has a super suburban vibe, but he’s all about Shanique. It’s obvious! He definitely wants to be Shanique’s choice. I wish him luck, she seems lovely, although the fact she said she refuses to empty the garbage already puts her in my no column. Nobody above a garbage run girl.
Up next, Nate and April. They seem to have good chemistry. I don’t think he’s as much into her as Shanique, but she’s adorbs, and he’s feeling her, and they seem to both be on the same page about kids. Go make babies you two!!!
Nate does express privately that he’s confused as to whether he wants to choose Shanique or April. Stuck between two delightful women? There are worst fates.
Rae & Jake seem to really gel. Lots of smile and giggles. Even some physical contact. It’s all about the physical contact.
Colby and Lauren - Colby says Lauren is his number one. He really seems to dig her, and she seems more into him than any other guy we’ve seen her with so far. Lauren just has an emotionally distant air about her, so I’m intrigued to see how she looks living with someone for three weeks.
She says that Colby is helping her work through her emotions, and is always looking at the positive, and sees her well. Aww..how cute is that? The divine in me sees the divine in you. Namaste!
P.S. I absolutely love Lauren’s artwork. It is breathtaking.
Madlyn and Randall - They’re just having eye sex. Lots of conversation and eye sex. These two are definitely ending up together for the three weeks and potentially walking away together. Sorry Colby!
We’re now 1 day until! The clock is ticking and flirting is in the air. The final flirt party they have…ok, let’s start with Colby. Madlyn starts by criticizing his fashion choice, which is a big ole Stetson! I think that’s what it’s called. One of those big cowboy hats. The boy looks like J.R. Ewing Jr. And yes, you are aging yourself if you know that reference. Better yet, where were you when J.R. was shot???
But unlike Madlyn, all the other young ladies are eating it up and that hat has filled the room!
What ensues now is drinking games, who wants to get with who games, etc…and Colby admits to having sex with the cowboy hat on. #winning
Hunter and Alexis have a heart to heart conversations about their feelings going through this process. Jake and April also had a heart to heart, but it was much less heartwarming. Jake verbally vomited all over April about how she treats him like shit. Whew baby! It’s getting hot in here, and I have no desire to take my clothes off. :-/ Lots of personal, intimate conversations ensue. Like deep stuff. Seriously.
Have you ever noticed how stress can seem to build intimacy between people fairly quickly, but stress in relationships often have detrimental effects??? How weird is that?
So, now we are down to the choice. Now, of all the ways in which contestants making the choice of the person they’d like to choose to live with for the next three weeks, the producers seemed to choose the absolutely most awkward one: all of the contestants sitting around a table seemingly choosing fairly randomly, with contestants having the ability to commentate amongst themselves as each contestant tells who they choose and why. Good lawd!
The session starts with Nate being asked how the week has been for him. He shares, and then Nick Lachey insinuates that Nate has seemingly had a connect with Shanique. He comments, Shanique comments that she’s been able to open up with Nate. THEN…Vanessa Lachey mentions Shaniques’s connection with Zay. And she talks about how strong that bond has become.
Shanique then goes on to choose Zay. Nate looks like he just watched someone shoot his new puppy. Sorry bro.
Zay then follows up by choosing Shanique.
We’re left to wonder, what happens if two contestants don’t choose each other? How awkward could that be? Well, we already know Nate is looking kind of dumb after their initial exchange, so yeah. No good.
Next Jake chooses Rae. Rae also chooses Jake. Easy Peasy Chicken Greasy.
Next up is Madlyn. Who didn’t see her choice coming: Randall! I found it super interesting that Madlyn seems to be nothing like Shanique, much to Shanique’s chagrin. Unsurprisingly, Randall chose Madlyn, and his short speech in doing so was super sweet. Respect.
Next up is Nate. He reflects on his disconnect with his ex Lauren about kids, and that April feels like someone who is on the same page, and has a similar energy to him. April reflects on how much she likes Nate, but Hunter is her choice! Nate now looks like someone just stomped on his right testicle with a pair of stilettos. Damn dog.
Alexis on the other hand, looks pissed. Alexis then has a meltdown, about how she wants her man, Hunter, and how she doesn’t want him dating anyone else. She proceeds to vomit her heart out on the table.
Hunter then jumps up and says “Guys, I wanna marry Alexis!”
Roll Credits.
Damn.
For anyone who might care, here is the order in which I would pick the women (I’m heterosexual) on this show:
Madlyn
Lauren
Rae
April
Shanique
Alexis
Were you shocked by any of the choices? Did you feel as bad for Nate as I did? Is April going to have to go crawling back to Nate? Are Alexis and Hunter rolling off into the sunset?
See you all next episode. God bless trashy TV.
Thumbnail photo by Devin Avery on Unsplash
