The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On - Episode 1 - The Split
My friend Veva and I are both fascinated by the human mind. However, while she has gone on to make it her life’s work as a doctor, I’m a schmuck who blogs. Anyway, when she suggested that I had to check out the newest of the Netflix dating shows, The Ultimatum, I told her I would give it a peek and let her know my thoughts…which I shall go ahead and share with all you kind people.
I am a reformed reality TV addict. Back when VH-1’s reality TV was in its heyday, I would go from Flavor of Love, to Rock of Love, to Hogan Knows Best, to I Love New York…good lord. I watched tons of awful TV. And then I swore it off…until I saw The Circle.
Definitely a different flavor than The Housewives or Who Cares Anyway, or at least I told myself, I must admit that I enjoy the series of dating shows that Netflix produces, including Love is Blind and Too Hot to Handle.
Now the Ultimatum, hosted by Nick and Vanessa Lachey, much like Love is Blind or Too Hot to Handle, characterizes itself as a social experiment. Now, as a sociologist by education, I find these shows extremely intriguing. I have so many questions. Additionally, as someone who is thoughtfully dating and very engaged in that activity, it’s like a crash course of “Oh never do that!” Or “Do I act like that?” (Spoiler: No I don’t!)
So, Six couples find themself is some isolated resort-ish location. One person in each couple (denoted in red) has thrown down an ultimatum: Marry Me or Lose me! Each of the couples has been together somewhere in the neighborhood of 1.5-2.5 years, and I will denote ages in the introductions.
As Nick Lachey offers in the introduction of the show concept,
“Psychologists agree an ultimatum is not a good way to get someone to do what you want, but it is the Brest way to get the answers you need on a timetable you can live with.”
So here is a brief intro and thoughts on the couples:
Alexis (25) & Hunter (28)
Alexis immediately came off as a very privileged brat. Hunter initially seems nice, but my first question was (is he older?) which was confirmed a few moments later. He oddly seems too mature for her, and she kind of comes off as too vapid for anyone.
Madlyn (24) & Colby (25)
Super cute couple. She is a total darling. He’s that All-American kind of fellow. Why either side of this equation would be hesitant to marry intrigues me. He seems more into her than she is into him, which is sad to me on the surface. I’ve been there unfortunately. She mentions she doesn’t believe there’s only one person for everyone. Does she mean emotionally? Physically?
“I’m worth her whole heart.” - Colby
I predict he definitely loses her. I dated a girl who looks just like this in college. She gets her first taste of chocolate and losers her mind.
Shanique (24) & Randall (26)
This feels like the stereotypical setup. 1.5 years in and she wants to know where things are going and he’s like “umm…” he also looks like a baby. Totally adorable. He describes himself as financially conscious.
April (23) & Jake (26)
April wants, “Ring & Baby…Now!” Super cute couple. April has a lot of self confidence. She’s also a crier, which is endearing. He calls her his best friend. Seems like she just wants to move faster than what he’s comfortable. He is recently out of the military. I think they will walk away together.
Lauren (29) & Nate (30)
At 30, Nate is the old man of the show. Wow. They don’t agree on kids. Oh shit! She doesn’t want kids. Why did you get 2.5 years into a relationship knowing you don’t agree on kids. I predict they won’t make it.
Rae (24) and Zay (25)
Were they introduced and get together because their names rhyme? What is that? Rae described herself as the full package,
“I stay in the gym, I have a degree, I cook, I clean and I know how to fuck.”
Well shit, sign me up. Zay has a definite jealous vibe. He also seems to feel insecure going into this experience. That feels like a recipe for disaster. Rae also seems very blocked off emotionally. When asked why she loves her partner, she couldn’t answer to him or to the show producers. Mark my words, they will not last. Emotional unavailability is never attractive.
So from there, the couples have a week to date around with the five other corresponding singles (all six are heterosexual couples). From there, they will spend 3 weeks living with someone other than the person they came with in a trial marriage. Then, they will spend another three weeks living with the person they came with.
What could go wrong???
Right out the box, Madlyn shows interest in Randall, one of the black male singles. I knew it!!!
It was at this point that the show revealed that Hunter is older than Alexis. I wrote down “I knew it!!!” How did I know?
Alexis, when talking about what she wants, expresses a desire for very traditional gender roles; cooking, cleaning and washing for her man. Is it just me, or is that a turn-off for any other guy? I do my own laundry, I cook my own meals (and will happily cook for my significant other too) and no one person should be cleaning and all that jazz. I’m all about 50/50 living.
On their last night together, Colby tells Madlyn not to hold back and to indulge in the full experience. It comes off as a sweet sentiment. She starts crying however and saying she’s not sure if she can fully engage in the experience, and “the only thing scarier than losing you right now is marrying you”.
What the fuck does that even mean? He seems determined to end things if she doesn’t put up. I’m kind of in his corner on that one.
Following their last night and last morning together, it’s off to the pool with drinks to being mingling and flirting.
Am I the only on in this experience who would want to ask, “so did you have sex last night? How did it feel having sex last night knowing you’d be here possibly flirting with me today?”
Quick bites of reflection:
April describes herself as a firecracker. I kind of really liked that. She has zest, and not looking for a sensible partner. I may have to go to my Bumble and say “looking for my April.”
Alexis came off more likable watching her interact with other people
Madlyn is all about Randall. Randall’s girl got jealosu as f**k right out the gate. Madlyn goes on to admit she gets annoyed by Colby. I also feels like she’s projecting her desire to find another partner onto him in a lot of her conversation.
Colby + Alexis - At first glance seemed like a cute couple. She’s definitely into him. Alexis is what Playboy has been telling men forever is the definition of sexy. Blond, curvy, thick pouty lips (there’s something injected into those babies). I was trying to give Alexis the benefit of my previous doubts when she said, “Marriage for me is a financial decision and an emotional decision.” That statement to me is a turnoff. What makes you think you’re getting into my pockets? I work a job. You work a job. I never want someone who is not a child financially dependent on me, so that if you ever want to leave, or if I want to leave, I can feel good in the fact that you can support yourself.
Alexis went on to say “If Hunter wasn’t making enough money, I would probably walk away.” Come on Alexis! Just when I was starting to like you. I ain’t saying she a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke niggas. Also, Alexis strikes me as a girl whom if she took a black man home would get pushed out of her grandparents will.
Colby seemed immediately turned off by Alexis’ material needs. I’m intrigued as to how much money she makes. She mentioned being in sales, and she seems to be taking good care of herself and not hurting for money, so why does she want to be a Stepford Wife?
“I want more than comfortable. I want “good.” - Alexis
C’mon girl. My man is checking for his wallet just listening to you.
Colby + April - two ultimatum throwers. They seemed to click pretty well. April seemed to really understand where he is. They both agreed that financial stability is bullshit. They seemed to connect better than they both expected. There was definitely a spark, and a hug. Colby admitted he didn’t feel a spark, but April definitely did. We’ll see how that goes.
Colby + Lauren - he’s the first guy she felt attraction to. Really cute initial interaction. Lots of laughing, banter, Colby probed her fear of children, and seemed to have a moment that made her reflect. He said “all those fears is why you have kids with someone you love, and she seemed to have a quick “oh damn.” Colby is very personable. I’m super intrigued to see who he spends the three weeks with. He has a much higher emotional intelligence than likely any guy on the show. He definitely liked Lauren.
Rae + Jake - seemed to connect well. Really cute discussion and banter. Zay obviously had issues watching Rae on a date with a different person. They found a lot of commonalities between them. Jake seemed surprised how well he connected with her. I smell trouble.
Day one ended with drinking games, reveals of who has their eye on who and favorite sex positions. Alexis mentioned having her eye on Colby. He revealed to her in private conversation that he wasn’t feeling her, which I respect. She was annoyed for sure. I’m not sure how she missed all those signals, but yeah, that happens.
Rae and Jake connected even more. Jake says he can’t read Rae, which doesn’t surprise me. I suspect she can’t read herself.
And there you have it.
Is this show a hot mess?
Yes
Will I be watching episode 2?
Yes
And I blame Veva.
Have you watched Episode 1 of the Ultimatum? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments, and please, no spoilers. Figuring out who goes running off crying is half the fun.
Thumbnail photo by Watoker Derrick Okello on Unsplash
