Today is Valentine’s Day…
…what better time to recap my dating adventures in 2022. As you may have read in my previous entry “Hey 2022! I’m Single and Ready to Mingle!”, I am making a full, honest effort to date in 2022. Not only date, but date with a sense of earnestness rather than nonchalance. I’m being open, honest, vulnerable…unadulterated me.
Now, of course, my personality can be bright like the sun. As a potential partner told me last year, I guess I can sometimes be intimidating. Yes, I’m confident. Yes, I’m loud, boisterous, exuberant, and as I often told my students while teaching that if I ripped my shirt open, I would glisten like Edward Cullen in Twilight. But, that’s me. I’m also insecure in many ways, I struggle with all the things I think most 40-somethings struggle with, and I am far from perfect and will voice that to anyone who asks.
In other words, I’m perfect. Perfectly flawed.
And so this is the bag that I’m jangling around for young women here in the greatest city in the world: Chicago. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, as mentioned I’m still listening to and faithfully following Damona Hoffman’s tips. Aside from that, I’m just having fun in the process. Just being open and honest and enjoying the personalities I’m meeting. From there, taking time to reflect on how I feel about the particular person, the time we’ve spent together, and I AM NOT thinking about WILL WE BE A GOOD FIT? I feel like that is a bottomless pit of a question. Rather, I’m asking myself, “HOW DOES THIS PERSON MAKE ME FEEL, AND HOW DO I FEEL IN THEIR COMPANY?”
To me, that’s what really matters. And so we go.
So far this year, I’ve been on 9 dates. It doesn’t feel like that many, but when I actually type the number out, my reaction is “Man, that’s a lot of dates!”
The year started off going on a series of dates with a young lady named Crystal. Super cute, super sweet. After the third date though, I didn’t feel the desire to go on a fourth. Crystal was a Chicago transplant, and just felt very “suburban” to me, which is not by any means a bad thing, but not quite the vibe I was looking for. We had a great conversation following our third date, and things ended with a hug. Hopefully our paths will cross again, because she was definitely good people, but I just don’t think there was a love connection.
Then there was Ashley. Ashley was the first person to ghost me in 2022. Which, all things considered, if I’m ghosted once out of every nine dates, I’m totally winning. However, hopefully I’m not spending the year going on series’ of nine dates. But we had what I thought was a very pleasant date. We went to Dark Matter’s Star Lounge. Really great spot for an introductory date (I will blog more about this at some point, bear with me). I am not fan of small talk, so we talked about ourselves, and before you knew it, we were talking politics. The date ended with me walking her to her car (guys, always make sure they at least get to their car safe) and I suppose the fist bump should’ve told me all I needed to know, but we’re in pandemic, I’m ok with reserving kisses. She messaged me thanks for a pleasant evening. I responded in kind and said I would enjoy seeing her again sometime soon…and voila. She closed me out on the dating app. Well, it’s harmless, but this is a perfect PSA opportunity: Don’t ghost people. I will blog on this specific topic sometime soon as well.
There was Caren. I had super high hopes for Caren. First, she had the most amazing eyes and smile. I’ve come to find this year that I’m a sucker for two things: great eyes and intellectual conversation. I am way more of a sapiosexual than I have ever realized. On the date with Ashley, she was telling me about her work, and all these random things and I was just like “yes, tell me more…what book is that you mentioned? Oh yes…I’ll add it to my list.” So this young lady seemed to have both of these things. Our first date was via Facetime, which Damona is a huge fan of. I’m not so much a fan of the pre-date Facetime date or phone call, but for the times it makes sense, and if you can’t hold a conversation via Facetime, you’re probably saving yourself from an awkward evening. But the Facetime chat was great, we actually both lost track of time, and so we agreed to dinner. Dinner came, and I thought it also was a good time. Lots of laughing and banter. She told me about her family, and I talked about mine. Just felt like a good connection.
She texted me back after I invited her out for date 3 to tell me she wasn’t feeling the romantic connection she was looking for, but thanks, and she looked forward to the next episode of my podcast, because she’d enjoyed the recent ones she’d listened to.
Well…I’m gonna count that as a win?
And then there was Molly. Much like all of the above, we met through a dating site. Very pleasant to be around, I absolutely love her voice. She is a woman of many talents, and has previously ran her own business. We’ve gone on three dates so far, and I’m glad that it feels like things are moving at a slow pace. For me right now, that feels super comfortable. Not rushing into anything. Each time we hang out, I find myself thinking “yes, I’d like to see this young lady again,” so we shall see how things progress after I get back from France.
And to round out this cast of characters which would make one hell of a game show of some kind, if Kate. Kate popped up on my Hinge, and there was a picture of her in which I said “I would totally be remiss if I did not say hello.” We began chatting, and after some back and forth of what we had going on over the weekend, it turned out we both had reading to do. I said “If you didn’t not know me from Adam, I would totally say let’s meet up and read together.” She thought that was actually a cool idea, and so we made plans.
Ok. Stop. A reading date. How freaking awesome is that? My friend Ydalmi, upon discussion on this said “That’s actually really cool and romantic.” I agreed wholeheartedly. When I told this to Kate, she said “I told my friend about it and she said “if someone suggested we go on a date to read together, I would fuck them all night!”
Well…there was no f***ing. There was reading, and chatting, and laughing. It actually felt really nice. Of all the dates I’ve been on, I thought Kate was definitely a personality I felt immediately drawn to, and I really want to see again and spend more time with. Following the date, we exchanged text pleasantries, and I really haven’t heard anything from her since. I have a slight suspicion that she wasn’t feeling me, but I’m hoping that I’ll hear from her this week, and we can arrange another outing soon.
And there you have it. It has been a cast of characters, and you don’t win them all over. But that’s part of the process. This is dating in 2022. So yeah. Let’s see how March looks.
Are you currently dating? How is it going for you? What’s the best dating advice you’ve ever received? Let me know down in the comments?
